insert witty subtitle here
Saturday, August 30, 2003
guten tag 'bloggers...
in only a few days time we will be back in school. i'm convinced that we're going to have to share a common room with smelly 6.1. the great debate rages on as to wether the wonderful jason rhys will return to 6th form. all of us hope not, but a few are worried he will anyway. pray to what ever god you believe in.
personally i'm going to pray to the god that is colin mcintyre. he is my current idol and object of obsession, because his music is so damned good, and because, like me, he has grey patches in his hair. although my grey patch seems to mysteriously have dissappeared somewhere. i'm sure 'twill come back soon. i wouldn't like grey hair really, but i'd quite fancy having completely white hair. 'twould be fun methinks. plus even more people would look at me weirdly in the street which is always fun. i think i might photoshop an image of me to show what i look like.
this didn't come out as well as i hoped but it isn't too bad. my photoshopping skills are a bit limited, as you can see...
in the meantime, there is a new weebl and bob episode up on the wonderful weebl and bob website. tis muchly amusing. weebl becomes a poet. his poems remind me curiously of stebbs's poems. i have one of these poems to hand and i will share it will all you good good people.
An ode to Cathy (garreth's mum...)
You have nice hair
And you cook good food
You are always fair
And in a good mood
You don’t mind taking me places
Or tying my shoe laces
And you buy us drink
When we go out to get pissed
But you don’t think
Anything of it.
I think you’re great
And you’ll see
I just can’t wait
To marry G
Then you’ll be my mum in law
and the grand kids will be right odd.
By stebbs (an original)
anyway, that one won lots of awards with my mother.
i won my thunderbirds tie badge on ebay.co.uk!! woo!! so now i shall have a wee little badge on my tie at all times. unfortunately i was outbid on a thunderbirds keyring! they beat me by 20p, and i'm very annoyed. it was a little thunderbird 2. and i really wanted it. i actually have a reason for wanting it, as i now have a key! woo!! the benifits of being an almost adult are endless.
enjoy yourselves, 'bloggers
Friday, August 29, 2003
we went to see a funky rhythym and blues band yesterday and G's mum came and we drank stuff and it was grand.
i think i am developing an irrational hatred of tourists and people who i have to be nice to and people who ask stupid questions. infact i think its actually getting to the point that i have contempt for everyone i meet. (Abby- you now have a job. i am sure u will feel this same contempt within a month)
and now i'm actually looking forward to going back to school simply becos i can sit around and do nout. anyone else for dossing? (tee hee- it sounds like tossing).
edward lear is 'da man'. do u think my incredible rhyming skills could match his?
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
there was an old man of the coast
who placidly sat on a post
but when it was cold
he relinquished his hold
and called for some hot buttered toast
good evening again bloggers...
i've just discovered that i can edit other peoples posts. its quite scary, because i now have so much power over what emily says. woo!!!
god evening 'bloggers
woo! i've been playing my organ. 'tis fun in a kind of crap way. it sounds ok-ish but it is only coming out of some tiny computer speakers, and so i'm hoping that when i put it through a reak decent amp then it will sound grand. * tom - if you ever need an organ, you know where to come! *
i can't seem to remember any photos being taken at abby's but that might of been a good thing. seeing as there was rampant nudity. which even dignified old me took part in. it was quite fun. i didn't see anything i hadn't seen before (translation - i saw nothing rude bar Rhiannon's breasts...). actually i seem to remember a photo being taken of beth. but she wasn't showing anything, why, i'd have chucked her off the sofa...
however, the party was not all nudity. we also had some very interesting conversations about loads of shite. cause there wasn't millions there it was quite nice because you could actually talk to people whilst drinking alcohol. it was real sociable drinking, quite a novelty compared to our other parties...
i'm off to look at pornography at 6.04 in the evening. do you see what happens when they show the athletics instead of the simpsons??? do you??? BASTARDS!!! *sigh*
i read somewhere that multiple exclamation marks are a sign of madness. woo!!!
blog blog blog!!!
I just took one of the psychological tests which are updated daily with my emails at sanriotown, and I really want to share my result: "You are born to be comedian. this is your gift and you show get use of it. But you should also be elastic. You should be able to dress in all type: boys, girls, elderly, pig and dog." I know some of you took some Japanese lessons, so if you could translate that for me, I'd be most grateful. Actually, I get a different result each time I take the test. The first time, it told me I was an idol and then what seemed like some Confucian stuff about how even an idol is a person. Whatever.
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Good Morning Bloggers,
Are you dancing? coz im asking...anyway how was a certain ms. Harrisons party, sorry i missed that but id like to be informed/shown/
G genuinely did have that fantasy, as he joyed in telling my at 8am on friday morning when i had no choice but to be in the car with him. it was a scary moment. but we spent an *exciting* day giving farmers tea. well paid though. my favourite bit was the yorkshire bloke who was supervising us. SERIOUS accent there.
i went to a *F.A.B* party on friday. sorry i had to be antisocial guys. woo!-had cream fight and champagne and vodka slammers. dude! unfortunately we managed to pitch the tent in a really stupid random place in the middle of a pile of stones and some stoned ppl tried to cover me in toothpaste.
I can just imagine Garreth Samuel playing the organ now, in an insane *can't get me no sleep* way
party party party!
where has all the love gone?? who knows....
i have an organ! i got it from my aunty's fella. so now i can recreate even more Coral songs. fun fun fun.
18th birthday party soon, and i'm trying to get mum to book a hall for a venue. translation: you're not puking in my house.
sorry if that was what you were secretly after...
i'm currently over-run with my thunderbirds obsession. on channel 5 on Friday, they had the second Thunderbirds movie "Thunderbird 6". it was very exciting. i also discovered that Brains without the glasses is actually quite attractive, certainly better than Gordon Tracy who quite frankly needs shooting. he just wishes he was the pilot of stingray... anyway, Brains did some exciting flying on a plane, and was quite the hero. alan and tintin are clearly waiting until everyone else has gone to have wild rampant puppet sex. it is sooo obvious. and alan has the most enourmous hair in that film, its quite scary. its like slightly too big for his head, but not really noticeably so you might just think he looked weird but wouldn't be able to tell why.
yes, i have just written at least 100 words on thunderbirds without making a joke about the strings. but thats because i think its a damned classy show. on friday, when i was working with stebbs, stebbs's mum's co-worker (can't remember how to spell colleague...) was late and so naturaly i imagined her having fallen down a well. then, naturally, i imagined Scott, and Thunderbird 1 landing on the showground in front of us, having bravely saved the day. i'd say F.A.B or something and then Scott would take me to Tracy island where i'd seduce Brains, having bought him some contact lenses. up to the start of the last sentence, that was a completely genuine fantasy. and yes, i'm aware that that's a little weird. but thats just the way my mind works at the moment.
seee you soon...
Thursday, August 21, 2003
apparently theres more than one of me. *sigh*
i have been exposed as a fraud and a cad.
good god man. are you mad?
yes, yes i think so.
heres little mo:
Hallo, well isn't this just dandy? A whole page of almost uniterrupted ramblings! This should be interesting especially with the selection of people we have - "Create a website throw in a group of weird people including a few queers and a very small child, no wait.....*Put's on glasses*......Stebbs!" I'm so going to pay for that, so much so i'm considering deleting it in which case this sentance is pointless, so i can't be bothered.
I had this weird image of someone starting a column here following the lines of 'Sex in the city' only i guess it's more likely to be 'drinking in the country' - i think Stebbs should pioneer this article!
Stebbs think's that i'm being rude so not to disappont her - "Bum, Fart, Crap!"
Wasn't that fun!?
i've spent an exciting night on google...
first off i found some images of Garreth's. should you sign into msn messenger now (as long as you have version 6) you will see a big eared garreth staring out at you.
i also was pleased to find out that not only are there other people called garreth with strangely shaped faces (my nose is too big, *whine whine whine*), but one garreth has been so extremely successful that he was a contestant on Channel 4's Fifteen to One. please clicky here for an exciting read about the whole show (from the other contestants perspective) http://members.tripod.com/wiseoldowls/fifteen_to_one.htm. now, there is even a lovely black and white photograph of said garreth, who sadly has Nil Points. however, clearly garreth's are good looking folk. my friend with the big ears would in abby's words "be ok without the ears" (although i think she was just trying to be nice), google image search for Garreth has some other pretty exquisite results (although dissapointingly no ladyboys. i wish there was a lady boy called Garreth...), and the blokey on 15 to 1 is reasonably in a very geeky way. to be honest the whole last two sentences have been dripping with sarcasm, but its quite hard to convey through the medium of text, so you may have only just realised...
in other garreth news, i found an old website which amused me greatly for its sheer pointlessness and random rabbiting on about something that only interested the boy who wrote it. take a look at http://www.huzatron.freeserve.co.uk/joey/. what sort of a person has a character who write a blog called joey the fish. fish can't write! they have no fingers! apart from fish fingers. but thats a recycled joke and i'm sorry.
in other news, i have discovered that stebbs's theory that she is the only emily stebbings is a hideous gigantic lie. i'm proud to expose this sham. if you too are fascinated by the fact that stebbs has an alter ego then check out http://www.redcargymclub.org.uk/news.htm which shows the alter ego in all her gymnastic doing glory. (well actually it does SHOW her but it mentions her in the top paragraph...)
i fear i am going to make the page a very long read for newcomers if i don't stop...
speak to you all soon, i'm talking fast and typing faster and threatening stebbs with violence and shite so i'd better go to be and wear my coat before i do something really dangerous... like mention her height. ha ha ha!!!
*sings* i'm hyper, hyper hyper hyper*
woo yay! people are doing it! woo yay woo yay!
i might try inviting a few more to join. so far i've been dissapointed by bryony, sam and abby's lack of a response. but such is life. they're probably doing something worthwhile with their lives. hopefully they'll bore themselves into using their email programs soon to get the invitations i sent them...
for those of you that are interested, i believe the coding to place an image upon this very site is
. woo yay. i had to write that bit of code on an image and then put a link to the image to do that. how extremely ironic if you have any idea what i'm talking about. its a coders in-joke i'm sure. ho hum... i wonder how much html you can apply to these posts...
its important to remember that to put your post on the site, you not only have to click "post", but also "publish".
my little mo idea could have been good. can you imagine Little Mo being a being of pure evil, related to the devil by ex marriage? she secretly hates everyone, particularly Billy her husband who is a bit thick when it boils down to it. i think it would be grand. i imagine her secretly planning to kill trevor with an iron, and being a bit annoyed when she failed to actually kill the chirpy chappy. but she does cover her pure evilness well, don't you think? you'd almost believe she was completely innocent of any crime. "send little mo to jail!" would have been my war cry, in a cunning response to the "free little mo" campaign undertaken by those foolish enough to fall for her charms. i bet she buggered a few men in jail, let me tell you!
anyway, i can't really be bothered to do a site about that because it means watching eastenders every bloody day, which i find quite hard to do...
hee hee, i'm going to steal tom's signature...
lots of love from your loving website creator
garreth samuel brooke
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
That is INCREDIBLE. thankyou muchly to Tom for the ingenius photoshopping of Little Mo. i DID get the beautiful 'red cross' design on mine but still with the *ahem* witty ALT text. if you want the lovely wallpaper of little mo may i suggest here:
i tried putting it as a link, but yet again my coding fails me.
am in complete admiration for the 'calculator' part.
today i had a driving lesson. i practically reversed up the curb. was not impressed.
how can u drink whiskey??
That looks like a success to me. I'd like to thank America for it's love and support. Little Mo has the ugliest jaw or that photo was taken in really bad light, because that extension is cloned in it's entirety rather than being a ba bit of airbrushing.
Anyway, I should get on with something else.
So I read the other posts, and was intrigued by the mention of html formatting.
Also, well done Emily for your masterful use of the plural noun. I did a rather
calculating photoshop of Little Mo for your perusal, if this html works like
I hope it does, you should see it right below here:
Anyway. Let me see if that works or if I get a fascinating design
featuring a box with a red cross in it.
Hello all. I just came back from the pub with my father, it being his birthday, so please forgive me for not bothering to read any former posts so as to make witty remarks and continue running gags. Instead, I checked my email and found this message from G inviting me to post on his site, to which I thought "great, I can finally display all my drunken charms to the world." I also got an email from amazon to say that they've dispatched the films I ordered, which is great. There's one by Jean Renoir that I intend to discuss with intellectuals in black over coffee and a mid-life crisis as soon as the chance presents itself, and Audition, which is one of those ultra-violent Japanese films. I also have a whole lot more arthouse on the way. Being a working man is brilliant, I can buy things whenever I want, like today I bought the whole pub a round of drinks. I also find that now that I have money, I don't have to spend so much, which is also great. Like on Saturday I finished work about midnight and went off down to Hookers where I found Dafs working on the bar and proceeded to get about £30's worth of shots for whatever silvers I had in my pockets. Indeed, friends, I drunk nothing but quadruple whiskeys all evening, and it was verily good.
I was very impressed with my invitation to blog. I've not done this before, but as soon as I saw the plural "robi" I knew that this must be my calling. Everybody loves funny plurals, like, did you know that capuccino is a plural and capuccini is a singular? I thought not. Obscene phrases in foreign languages seem very popular at the moment too, maybe a prize can go to the person who can first translate "deine vagina riecht nacht kähl und selbethasen" for the followers of the robi. Actually not, because if there was a real prize I would have it already, being the Lankesesian scoundrel I am.
Speaking of obscure literary figures and French art films, I had a conversation about the philosophy of Leibniz today. We don't like him and his optimism, but I do like his theories on perfection. I also read all of Voltaire's "Candide" this afternoon, which I recommend highly to any aspiring art fags such as myself.
I feel I should probably point out that despite my last comment, I'm not really gay.
But whilst on the subject, I met Steven Newcombe in Emlyn the other evening and he's working in another kitchen in that same village, and is therefore my rival. So if you get the chance, run him down in a truck.
Any good piece of writing deserves a bit of tragedy towards the end, so I will speak to you all of my exam results. The mark out of ninety in order to obtain an A grade was 72, and most subjects fielded three sections, requiring two As and a B for a good A grade. Well, I really did get an A, a B and a 71 in literature. But fear not, dear readers, for maybe next year I will try.
And now we draw toward the closing paragraph, and deserve some happiness. so I shall tell of my plans for the next few days: Friday I go to Gloucester to meet the hippies whom I left waiting for my return in a field the weekend before last, and we shall celebrate that same Friday with a tea dance. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this most sacred of ceremonies, it is the event in which old men dress in ballgowns and lots of old hippies wear nothing and get stoned and drunk until the early hours of the morning. As for myself, I shall be sporting me near-infamous tweed jacket and a finest quality Cuban cigar of the Romeo et Julietta brand. But only until someone does me something nicer.
And now the end draws nigh. I usually like to end with my signature, as all readers of Celeb!!! shall well know, but I regret I cannot put it here, and I have it saved with a green background anyway. But feel free to explore http://3tears.co.uk/celeb at your leisure. And as you do that, I would like to end with some words from the master himself, the seducer of princesses known to us as Goethe:
"Do you want Scampi Fries or Cheese Moments, Tom?"
Now I think about it, that might actually have been Allan at the pub. Nonetheless, I now take my leave, safe in the knowledge that I have probably already written more than the rest of the bean robi combined.
For a thing to be perfect, it must exist, and that is why we are here,
Tom S. Clements
The "S" stands for "steals quotes but gives no references."
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Hi its stebbs. just like to point out that, just like my very good friend garreth samuel, i too can be very stupid for someone of reasonably intellect(by which i mean being able to walk and hold a steady conversation simultaneously)(and also use big words like simultaneously). As way of an example, and due to some confusion in the signing-on-to-blogger process (not my fault. no good, useless nerds. can't they do anything these days?) i seem to have made myself about 5 different usernames. So yeah. quintlets.
and also like to point out that it was my idea to call the blog this. woo!
garreth samuel wants to do a thing about little mo (eastenders) apparently. her evil secrets. i was intruiged. i can't stand eastenders but it seemed an exciting thing. she is Satan's sister in law, twice removed.
at this point i wanted to Photoshop a picture of little mo and make her look calculating (yes, like a calculator). but i havn't had any inspiration yet. so instead i decided to post a delightful picture of little mo, which can (quite revoltingly really) be found on the beeb webby as WALLPAPER. but she does look angelic. Put her on ur desktop!
this is for G mostly. and to see if my coding works ok.
*half an hour elapses*. yeah i can't make it work yet.
maybe one day. but nows its too late in the day.
love stebbo xxxxx
a message from garreth
i'm afraid i've got bored of the old beanrobot site, and so i've decided to change it. this is the NEW IMPROVED IAMTHEBEANROBOT. it is now WE ARE THE BEAN ROBI - do you see what i did? its more of a group thing now...
with this new version you people can post anything you like on the FRONT PAGE of my website. you can write AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE, as there are NO STUPID GUESTBOOK BOXES to fill in. it also is EXCLUSIVE TO PEOPLE I LIKE. now there are no more weird people like "crystal cupid" and other freaks like that to confuse us.
i think (and so does stebbs) that this is a big improvement on the old site. you know my old ramblings on the front page of the old site? well now you can all do that! the front page will show 15, yes 15, entries from members of this site. the entries can be as long as you like. its basically like a giant weblog for us, a GROUP WEBLOG. i want this site to become more of a group thing, rather than me writing on the frontpage and you relegated to the guestbook. while i'll still do all the technical shite, you get the benifit of having an online community where you can say whatever you like. it will be easier for us all to keep track of one another, because members can (if they want), keep a diary of some sort on the website. if anyone has been on the incredible b3ta message boards, then its kind of like that. it is an amusing way of keeping in contact with each other rather than within the confines of the old iamthebeanrobot guestbook, or through chatting on msn messenger. here you can say whatever you like. in the guestbook you couldn't write more than about 200 words, here you could write an entry the length of a thesis if you wanted to.
every entry tells you what date and time it was posted and who posted it. it will never fill up like the guestbook used to because it automatically archives itself so there is always room for more entries.
to write in this weblog you have to be a member. to become a member you have to recieve an invitation from me. if you want an invitation then all you have to do is ask for one. then you will get an email which gives you a link to follow. chose a username and a password and you are now a member of blogger.com and a member of "we are the bean robi". to post an entry, sign into blogger.com (there is a link under "members". on the blogger.com homepage, click on "we are the bean robi" on the right hand side of the page. you'll be taken to a page where you can write your entry. make it as long as you like. when you have finished click on "post and publish" and there you go!
i really hope that this will take off. i know i've convinced stebbs, i'm just hoping i've convinced the other guestbook users. it really is easy after a few gos, and its soooo much better than the old guestbook. GIVE IT A TRY!!!
P.S. i believe you can use some basic html formatting for the text in these posts if you know what you are doing! people who know what they are doing, give it a try!!